Hmm, again as I lay my head on my pillow, thoughts seem to flood my mind. All the things that I didn't get done that day, or what I should of done in this situation or that situation, but mostly my mind is on my children. Hmm... passing thought - I wonder how many times my name and face flood Christ's mind... Anyway, my children come to my mind and then the questions come: Am I teaching them correctly? Are they understanding what I'm teaching them? Am I doing a good job as a mom? What can I improve upon? How can I love them more? Question after question fills my mind, till tears well up in my eyes. My children are simply my everything - my life's pursuit and I simply cannot fail them. It's astonishing to me how anyone can raise children without falling on their knees in prayer daily. How do parents raise children without seeking Christ - maybe I'm just weak that way. However, I do know this, the prayers I used to pray when I was single - Lord make me a diamond so that when others see me, they see You, is still the prayer that resonates almost every night. 'Lord please make my life a living example of You and of Your love, so that my children will see You in me. Even now as I write this, tears fill my eyes, and a lump comes to my throat. This is my life's calling - to raise my children in a way that they would want Jesus in their lives - not by force - but because they can see His love through me. I do not claim to have all the knowledge in the world, or the that I am the best scholar, or even the greatest mother, but I have to keep striving for my childrens' sake. I always thought that my greatest calling would be to become a missionary to another place, but really my greatest calling are my children.
So Lord, here I am calling out to You for your wisdom, kindness, compassion and love to run completely through me, so that when my children look at me, they see You in me. Walk with me daily, every minute of every day, so that I may learn Your ways of how to be a better parent to the children You have entrusted to my care. Amen.
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