thoughts of a mom

Hmm, again as I lay my head on my pillow, thoughts seem to flood my mind. All the things that I didn't get done that day, or what I should of done in this situation or that situation, but mostly my mind is on my children. Hmm... passing thought - I wonder how many times my name and face flood Christ's mind... Anyway, my children come to my mind and then the questions come: Am I teaching them correctly? Are they understanding what I'm teaching them? Am I doing a good job as a mom? What can I improve upon? How can I love them more? Question after question fills my mind, till tears well up in my eyes. My children are simply my everything - my life's pursuit and I simply cannot fail them. It's astonishing to me how anyone can raise children without falling on their knees in prayer daily. How do parents raise children without seeking Christ - maybe I'm just weak that way. However, I do know this, the prayers I used to pray when I was single - Lord make me a diamond so that when others see me, they see You, is still the prayer that resonates almost every night. 'Lord please make my life a living example of You and of Your love, so that my children will see You in me. Even now as I write this, tears fill my eyes, and a lump comes to my throat. This is my life's calling - to raise my children in a way that they would want Jesus in their lives - not by force - but because they can see His love through me. I do not claim to have all the knowledge in the world, or the that I am the best scholar, or even the greatest mother, but I have to keep striving for my childrens' sake.  I always thought that my greatest calling would be to become a missionary to another place, but really my greatest calling are my children.

So Lord, here I am calling out to You for your wisdom, kindness, compassion and love to run completely through me, so that when my children look at me, they see You in me. Walk with me daily, every minute of every day, so that I may learn Your ways of how to be a better parent to the children You have entrusted to my care. Amen.

Lets see...

Hmm, I think I will try out this blog thingie out - not sure how successful I will be at it, or if anyone would even be interested in reading my ramblings but here goes. I'm rolling up my sleeves, and commencing to type, so this  should be fun at least. :-) I'm not sure I will have much time for it either, what between raising three toddlers, keeping my home in order, and going to school for a teaching degree, but hey I'm gonna give this a whirl! :-)

I don't consider myself a very interesting person, but I do like to share what Christ teaches me in the moments when I am actually learning from the life lessons He gives me. So as I begin to write down my thoughts, my question is this: When do we get to old for Christ?  There was a song I was singing by Avalon entitled, 'I don't wanna go'. And the essence of the song is saying that I don't ever want to walk a road where Christ is not present, or go down a path that leads me away from Him. As I said before I am a mother to three small children, and when one of them gets hurt, feels sad, or happy, or tired, they always come to momma - the one person they know will give them comfort. It's amazing what I can learn from my children. They do adventure out on their own, exploring the world around them with big wide open eyes, but they never go far from where I am at. I think this is what our relationship with Christ needs to be, always seeing Him through the eyes of a child and never letting Him out of our eyesight. We do adventure out on our own a bit, but we need to also run right back to Him. He's excited to see what new adventure we have learned, or when we come Him because our hearts are heavy or when we're sad and even happy. It's amazing to me how wonderful He is at being a parent, no matter what our age. 

For me Christ is real, His love for me is real, His communication with me is real, and that's just not something I want to loose... ever. So if that makes me like a child, with a child-like faith, I'd gladly accept the role vs a grown up who doesn't have time for Christ and His ways.

Life Purpose

As I lay down on my bed to sleep my mind is wide awake - why is that?

However, I made a realization today. I know - I know -that God has called each person to a certain destiny or life calling, and I always wanted mine to be glorious - like a missionary who lead a whole tribe to Christ, or a nurse who healed the next Billy Grahm - or just simply who helped to heal people -that is an awesome calling in and of itself, or a preacher that reached the next Joel Olstein. But as I lay there thinking about God's calling on people's lives, I realize that there are those that are called from God out of a cloud in the sky - no mistaking His calling on their lives, and then there are those who are called out of the quietness of His voice. These people don't need a sign from Heaven, because Heaven is in their daily lives and hearts. They long to do God's will simply because they long to have a sincere devotion to Him. Anything Christ asks of them, they willing and wholeheartedly do - no matter how insignificant it may be to the world - not because they feel forced to do it - but because they love Christ so much that anything they do they feel is not even deserving of doing. These people desire Christ - simply Christ - nothing more and nothing less. They cannot live without Christ, nor breathe with out Christ. He is simply their all - their life force. Anything in life is simply meaningless. They don't need a shout from the sky -they just need their Savior to live through them, and maybe, just maybe encourage those who have been called from the sky to be all the Christ has seen and desires them to be. Our jobs are never ceasing because as we begin to see through the eyes of Christ, or work is never done. Our prayers must be vigilant, must be all consuming, no matter if we get hurt in the process, because we desire Christ and His heart to beat within ours beyond anything else.

Christ is our all, nothing more, nothing less! He is our everything!